The Lunacy of Zelda: A Link To All Things Random
by H. B. Dragonheart
Summary: Does this really need a summary? Weirdness! With added 'Things Characters Never Say' and a cameo from an unexpected character... yes, it's one of those stupid random fics, don't kill me, I was new when I wrote it.


**_Revenge of the Return of the Son of the Random Sketch 'Fic! Part 18,295,106! The Cliche Strikes Back!_**

All characters are owned by Nintendo, not me. (So don't hold me responsible for what they get up to, all right? I just write this stuff!) Which reminds me... 

_::reaches through computer screen and collars Link::_  
_You can hand that over, too! No... it's no good hiding it, buddy. I can see what you're holding._  
Link sighs, and passes over the FD mask.  
"Sheesh. Don't I get a break? I just _happen_ to be the hero here, okay?"  
_Maybe, but I'm the author. And if you start playing up... you're snogging fishface._  
(meekly) "I'll be good!"  
_Thank you.  
::grins, watches Link walk away.:: You're a lucky fish, Ruto..._

_-_

***Things Characters Will Never Say Part Twenty-Four***  
  
Darunia: E = MC squared. Pi is 3.1417..... 

Navi: ... 

Zelda: Pink's not really my colour, is it? How about black? 

Majora: Oh, go on. You can be the good guy, then. 

Mad Cow Aliens From Romani Ranch: We come in peace. 

Link: Gwahahahah!!!!!  
(peeved) "Might do."  
_Doubt it._

Kafei: But I like being a kid! Don't wanna grow up! Bwaaah! 

Mikau / Nayru (Oracle): I'm blue, da ba dee, da ba di... 

Ganondorf: Give peace a chance! 

Ralph: No, you go first, Link. I'm too scared. 

Talon: Wakey wakey! Rise and shine! 

Maku Tree / Ruto: It'd never work out, Link. We're two different species. 

Malon: Damn Cuccos! Feathers everywhere, they mess on your table... 

Mido: You're my best mate! Gimme a hug! 

Romani: 'Grasshopper'? What was I thinking when I came up with... 

Maple: Sorry. It's all my fault. Should have looked where I was going. Serves me right. 

Din (Oracle): ::starts doing the Macarena:: 

Guy From Music Box House: Argh! A g-g-ghost! Quick! Someone call...  
::Luigi appears:: "Someone want-a ghost-a buster? "  
_Wrong game, buddy._  
"Yeah, pasta-face. You haven't been totally humiliated by that... purple... thing... eesh."  
_You mean the Ga..._  
"Don't say it. Anyway - clear out. You heard me, pal. Shoo. There's only room for one hero in green round here - and it's not you."  
"Mamma mia..." ::Luigi picks up his hoover and leaves::   
_Link! I never thought I'd hear you say something like that..._  
"Good for nothing cube-hogging plumber..." ::grumbles:: 

- 

***Star Wreckin'***

"I ...am ...Linkcutus ...of ...Borg."  
The Mad Cow Aliens - Resistance is Moo-tile. 

Use the Tri-force, Link! 

- 

Swords flash. The fight of the century -   
Oh, come on. I don't have to tell you who it is. 

"You never knew your father, did you, Link?" Ganondorf grins, as his young adversary dangles over a cliff.  
"No, I didn't... What are you saying?..."  
"Link, I am your father... Join me, and we can rule the world together..."  
"...No! It can't be true!"  
"Oh, yes, it is. You cannot resist the power of the Dark Side..." 

"...Okay. Good point."  
Link fishes in a pocket with his free hand. He pulls out ...  
_::looks at what she's holding. Papier-mache. D'oh.::  
That is IT! Next sketch, you're snogging fishface!_  
...the real FD Mask, and flicks it on. He vaults - no, flies - up to the clifftop.  
"Dad!"  
"Son!" 

_Apologies to all the real SW and ST fans out there. I know I mangled the quotes. Meanwhile..._

- 

***Revenge on Link - a 5-second fic***

"YEEARGH!"  
A silver blur snaps past, followed by a blue blur.   
Zoras can't half shift when they need to...  
"Come here, Linky!" 

*Mwah!* 

- 

Link rips off mask, bends double, and starts retching. 

_Okay, sorry, that was cruel. But you learnt your lesson, right?_  
"Way to go, Miss Author. My mouth tastes of fish."  
_Still... think yourself lucky...  
_"Why?"_  
If you mess up again - I know where you're hiding...  
_::turns pink:: "Wait. I'm here in Hyrule. You're there on Earth. So how..."_  
Trust me. I'll find a way. Bwahahahaha! Whoops. Slipped._

_-_

**Majora's Maths (or what happens when my brain wanders in the middle of doing algebra)**

Link, with twenty-four masks, becomes the Fierce Deity. _L + 24M = FD._  
But the Fierce Deity only needs to lose one mask to become Link. _FD - M = L._  
Therefore, _24M = M_, but that can only happen if _M = 0._  
Therefore, the mask is nothing.  
Therefore, _L = FD. _Link_ is _the Fierce Deity.  
Ha! Proved it! ::smirks:: 

"Thank you! Now, if you could just..."  
_Don't count on it._  
Link glares. He pulls out the ocarina. "That is it! First you make me hug Ganondork and snog Ruto... now you're just taking the...! I'm coming for you!" He begins to play some tune...  
_Okay... point made. ...Link? Where'd you..._

- 

::slowly turns around, frozen to spot::  
_What the..._ "How did you get here..."  
"No comment." He pulls out a sword. 

Gotta go! 

- 

_h_sh_fy__uw ru** h**s ow SotHis is a coMpu_t_r i**s **it?  
Ahah. I get it. So if I press this... What's this about? Who's this Alena character? I never met...   
::begins reading the 'Guardian of Time' series, confused::  
So... if I'm supposed to be... so I don't need this thing, do I?  
::thinks hard::_ _If I was to... just... YESSS! Aha!  
Watch out, Dragonheart!_

_Oh... so you're reading this? Well... I'm off now. And if you don't drop a review... you will suffer the same fate as the author..._

(hiding under table) "That's not good."  
_What was that? _  
"Eep!" 


End file.
